FRIENDS: MAKING, KEEPING AND BREAKING

I remember a time when I could ask my mom if I could spend the day with my friend and the only questionable moment would be if she would say yes and have time to drive me there. Now, my friends and I have to plan weeks, even months ahead, to hang out for 2 or 3 hours in order to just catch up. 

I suppose that the discomfort of making, keeping and breaking friendships is a relatable subject for almost anyone. I can't say that friendships came easy to me when I was younger—there were a lot of ups and downs—but it definitely was different than it is now. 

As we get thrown into adulthood, we start the constant hustle and soon we find ourselves in a blackhole, far from existence. It starts to become nearly impossible to throw in a social life while working around everyone's crazy schedule—I dont know about you, but it seems like the only mail I receive are bills (cue Destiny's Child song), hence why I'm a workaholic, sorry friends.  

Then throw in marriages and babies on top of work, and all of a sudden you're like what are friends? But lets be real, in the hierarchy of life, friendships seem to be pushed to the bottom. I mean we have relationships, crazy schedules, families, passions and work, so of course, naturally, our priorities start to change. 

But recently I've been reminiscing on the bittersweet moments about the friends I've had in my life—the good ones, the bad ones and the ones in between. 

Here's where I'm at in my life, most of my friends are in relationships/married/having babies, so finding time to get together is tough—and yes, my schedule is hard to work around (I get it for all of you that complain lovingly to me about it). But as I get older, the quality vs quantity game plays a huge role in my life and finding like-minded people is at the top of my list. 

Recently, I've been thinking about the friends who I decided to say buh-bye to because they simply weren't allowing me to grow in the direction I hoped to go. And those friends, as much as they provided me with some nice memories, are long gone and I'm still very happy with my decisions. My advice for saying peace out to those who drain you? Be honest with them. We all want to find connections that are valuable, if you're not happy and don't see contribution from both of you in each others lives then maybe it's time to cut them out—especially if they are bringing toxic vibes into your life. 

Alongside the ones I've cut off, I've been feeling a little resentment toward the ones who I feel like should be in my life, but really aren't. Does this sound crazy? (Because I dont know.) You know the friends where you're like we could seriously be a dream team, but every time you try to plan something they bail or just seem to have other things on their mind? Relatable? I hope so, but I am reframing my thoughts and realizing maybe our goals, priorities and perspectives are just not connected, instead of the 'what's wrong with me' thought. 

The friends who have opened my mind and who have taught me lessons are invaluable, just like the ones who I know will always be there for me no matter how many years go by. Time flies, and before we know it the text we've been meaning to send gets pushed to the bottom and all of a sudden two years pass without any communication besides a double tap on our Instagram picture. 

What I am trying to say is friendships are flexible and fragile. They give us roots, but also allow us to be free. I am thankful for the people who have made me who I am and especially for the ones who continue to shine in my life—even the ones who weren't suited for me.

I hope sharing our experiences become more than just posting on social media—and I hope to transition gently throughout my friendships as they transform. Friendships flourish in kindness, honesty and compassion, as long as it's a two-way street. 

"Friendship is a relationship with no strings attached except the ones you choose to tie, one that’s just about being there, as best as you can." ~William Rawlins