EMOTIONAL MATURITY
photo by Lowell Wagner
It’s complicated—feelings and emotions, I mean.
Sometimes I feel like there are only two options in order to express feelings: suppress your emotions by hiding them until they explode or satisfy your emotions by being—for lack of a better word—an attention-whore.
Emotions hold us captive. Either we’re wrestling with the emotions that are making their way to the surface or we’re indulging in emotions because we feel as though we are entitled to feel a certain way.
Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to feel any way you’d like, but this is where emotional maturity comes into play.
Personally, I am someone who mentally gathers my feelings until it becomes a game of Whack-A-Mole to prevent any evidence of emotions…but we know how that ends and eventually, it becomes too overwhelming.
As children, we are told to “act right” or “don’t cry,” but who said expressing our feelings is bad?
From the start, we learn to get what we want by overly expressing ourselves or we realize that things become easier (short-term, of course) when we ignore how we feel.
However, emotions reveal our pasts and as painful as it is to feel those feelings, we must acknowledge the disfigured moments and our scars in order to heal. When this is done, we are able to breathe and understand our story and why we are hard-wired the way we are. It gives us an opportunity to open up, but also to discover how to express our emotions in a healthy way.
Emotions will always be something we have to deal with—it’s always going to be a rollercoaster, but before exploding or hiding your feelings, there are two things we need to think about before reacting in a situation: self-control and self-reflection.
You have the power to respond, but you also have a choice in how you react.
Recognizing what triggers you and slowing down your reaction time will give you a moment to take a breath—that’s the hard part. Many times I notice that I am put in similar situations along the way and in order for me to heal or find freedom from my emotions, I need to revisit that place of brokenness and reflect on why I react the way I do.
Emotional maturity is freedom. It’s about learning that every situation doesn’t need a reaction, but what it does need is control and reflection.
We all have a cycle. You know, the process in how we react in situations of insecurity, jealousy, anger and so on, but getting to the root of the problem and embracing self-awareness will eliminate a random explosion of emotions down the road.
But how can we find a harmonious balance between the two options of expression?
Worthiness.
This word means a lot when you actually capture it. It's a fragile word, but when you feel whole-heartedly worthy, you're able to understand where you're coming from—there's no need to look for validation or to show control by exaggerating your emotions. Feeling worthy also gives you a chance to feel your emotions and express them through a creative channel rather than hiding them and waiting to explode as if you were a ticking time bomb.
The best way we can communicate this is by actually following through, by being the bigger person and taking a breath before you respond in the heat of the moment. We need to teach the younger generation that letting your emotions show is okay, but being aware of how you're expressing them is your top priority.
Don't be afraid to take a moment to release energy in a way that is respectful to you and others, and acknowledge how you're feeling by taking notes.
Remember...
Expression, not exaggeration; be in control of yourself, not of others; and whole-hearted worthiness, not shamefully hiding.