COMPLIMENTS: WHY ARE THEY SO HARD TO ACCEPT?
You know when someone gives you a compliment? And the proper response is acknowledging and responding with a 'thank you' or 'you're so kind, I appreciate that,' right?
Well instead, I am someone that stiffens up, my inner critic responds with a 'psh' and I tend to chuckle because you're surely not seeing what I'm seeing. It's not because I feel that you're not genuinely complimenting me, it's just that compliments make me uncomfortable—but I've noticed it's not just me.
It's as though we, as society, (but more apparent with women and girls), can't even fathom the fact that someone may think our quirks are attractive or that the way we see the world isn't so strange after all, but it's quite refreshing. We've become so self-conscious of how we act or dress that we can't fully embrace ourselves.
The minute one person draws attention toward us—even in the most positive way—we brush it off, look the other way and act as if their opinion doesn't matter.
I think we've put so much pressure on the way we look, that we've forgotten it's the inside that matters. Don't get me wrong, I like when people point out that I'm having a good hair day, when I already thought to myself that my hair was hideous this morning.
But I find that the generic compliments about our appearances are harder to swallow.
We're already struggling through life with our inner critic, and most of the time it doesn't matter if someone says we're beautiful because we still see our flaws as if there is a huge flashing neon arrow pointing at them.
But what if change how we're hardwired? What if we start recognizing the characteristics of people?
It hurts my heart when I compliment someone who I find to be gorgeous not only outside but also inside, but they have so much doubt in themselves that they can't genuinely see the beauty they carry. Then I start to think, maybe that's me as well. Although right now my inner critic is saying 'girl, you see yourself everyday, those flaws are real flaws,' I can't help but hope to be accepting toward other's opinions and maybe hopefully see myself through their eyes.
Nothing, in my mind, is more beautiful than seeing a strong women who is confident in herself to be able to accept compliments, but also know that she doesn't need them to feel valued. Brushing off compliments is just as rude as acting cocky in my opinion.
But lets start acknowledging the qualities of people and then follow with a surface compliment—this shows that beauty starts on the inside.
Recognizing that someone's joyous nature is infectious or someone's work ethic is admirable are both worth compliments. But we tend to lead with things such as 'you're so pretty' or 'I wish I was a thin as you,' but where is the depth? This is why we're confused on the important things in life and why we are striving for perfection.
I challenge you to change the way we think and the way we compliment people, as well as the way we accept compliments from others. Yes, beauty starts within, but also starts with us.
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